Weekend

This weekend something unexpected happened. 

      I was invited to spend the weekend at the beach house of a friend. A friend I hadn't seen in more than a year. 

      I reality, we had so much time without seeing and talking to each other that I even doubted we were still friends. 

      I was doubting between going or not, but because she had invited another friend we had in common so that made me feel calmer. When I got to the the meeting point I was told that our friend in common wasn't going to go. That made me very nervous. His presence, in a way, had made me feel calmer, because I didn't feel like I had to be starting conversations every time. But I was there, at the meeting point, and it was too late to cancel my attendance. 

     I'm not gonna lie. I did something I shouldn't have done. I took two more pills for anxiety than the prescribed by my doctor. 

     After a one hour ride we where there. By that time, it was only the family of this "friend" and me. But after awhile more people started to arrive. 

    I didn't know that more people was going to be there. I started getting even more nervous. Five boys that looked about my age had arrived, I didn't know any of them. After a while another family arrived. This time I didn't know one of the girls who came with that family, she is my age, but I'm not fond of her. 

     I admit it, I did another thing I shouldn't have done, especially not when I was taking meds for my anxiety and depression. I took four shots of tequila. Because I had had dinner already, that quantity wasn't enough to get me very intoxicated, but it was enough to get me to relax. So much that I got sleepy.

     That was the reason why I fell asleep at midnight, meanwhile the rest of the people at the beach house went to sleep until four am. 

     The next day, I woke up with a strong headache. I felt very bad, I hadn't sleep very well, I don't like sleeping in beds that aren't mine and I felt exposed being in a bed in the same room as many other people. 

     After spending the weekend with this friend I think I shouldn't have judged the relationship I had with this friend. I shouldn't have doubted of our friendship. It's still intact after all this time. Now I value her friendship even more. 

Psychiatrist

      Three years ago I started going to a psychiatrist. Even though that first time I didn't receive a constant treatment, he didn't inspired me confidence and his office was in an old asylum and that kind of freaked me out. 

      After that experience, I moved to a different city, but not only city, I moved to a different country in a different continent. I felt that if I moved far away enough from the place I had many problems in everything would be different. I wanted to start a new life. To be a new person. Change my name and appearance and start over. 

      All of that wasn't enough. I couldn't make it. The ghosts of my past were still there with me like before, or even worse. I started feeling suicidal. I lived in a fourth floor. Every time that I looked out my window I thought how easy it would be to just let myself drop and end everything. Once day I almost did it. That scared me to the core so I went to consult a psychiatrist. 

      I met the second psychiatrist in Spain. He inspired a lot of confidence, he reminded me of my deceased grandfather, he told me I needed to take a bunch of pills and to start going to therapy. The therapy I received were with a different doctor. I don't think those therapies helped in any way. Still, I went for over six months. 

      I left the treatment with these doctors because I felt like my country was calling me, I needed to be in peace with my hometown and with my family. I hadn't accomplish my wish to start a new life in Spain and I felt alone. I didn't know and still don't know who I am, so in the meantime I took the decision to move back home. 

A little about me

Hello again! 

      This blog is fairly new, so I'd like to start by talking a little about me, about my childhood, so that forward on you can get to know me better and you get to know the reason why I got to be just the way I am.

      I'm from Mexico, I was born into a catholic family in a little town in the center of the country. I am the third of seven siblings. We are all almost one year apart from each other.Now, my oldest brother is 24 and he just graduated university, on the other side, my youngest sibling is 12 years old and this september will start High School. 

     I am 21 years old. I love and have a passion for with everything related with technology. I like photography, music and every little things that I suppose everyone my age enjoys. 

    Two years ago I started my degree in Digital Media, but I didn't feel like it was something that was something that really filled me with joy and I didn't feel very passionate about it. I noticed big difference with the way I felt towards my degree than my classmates, so that after two years and with the support of my father I decided to change my degree. This semester I started university to complete a degree in Engineering in Biomedicine. I don't know how it ill work out. I'll let you all know along the way.